Boat Shoes and Renal Failure

Fun Dad Time:

Called the house, and my Dad immediately asks me if I've ever had renal failure because there's a great kidney failure lawyer in NYC that I could go to. I tell him that while i've never suffered from renal failure, it is common in cats. To which he responds, "Like anal sacks! Dogs are to anal sacks, as Cats are to renal failure." He then proceeded to try to sell me his old pair of Sperry Topsiders, slightly used, said that if I put them up to my ear I can hear the ocean. He called it "Mike's Sperry seashell shack." I'm so glad were share the same genes.

cat sex

there have been cats, having sex on my porch...frequently. this usually occurs in the 4-430am area, and sounds something like a new born baby being skinned alive. my guess is that they've been attracted to the porch by rick's (the homeless man- see post "my name's rick") piss drenched belongings on the porch. I'm not sure if cats are attracted to human urine, but if they are, that's my explanation. Apparently this is a common problem on brooklyn porches, as one of my friends in brooklyn, upon hearing this story excitedly said he experienced the same thing, and then commenced to make a dead-on impersonation of cat sex audio.

washing tentacles for Jasmin's cat with bowls in it

another phenomena with my risd friends is our inability to hear anything one another says correctly. it's probably our "creative minds" altering what we hear, pushing a common phrase to something utterly stupid. though i have no idea what was ACTUALLY said, i wrote down the phrase that seemed to have been misconstrued the furthest.

so the worst hearing of the weekend goes to me for hearing:
"washing tentacles for Jasmin's cat with bowls in it".
yup.