public trasportation

what is it with people always wanting to sit next to me on the train when there are plenty of other open seats? isn't everyone else, like me desiring little to no human contact before 10 o'clock in the morning? I'm also beginning to believe that i'm some sort of magnet for the psychotics using public transportation. Here are a few of my favorite moments.

Nathan-one morning on the worcester/ framingham line, i was attacked (verbally ofcourse) by a man who i presumed to be mentally handicapped. As it turned out he was an accountant, which explained everything. I generally try to sleep on the train, but this clown jumps into the seat and yells "howdy". Clearly this was not going to be a good start to the day. As I plastered myself to the window, he inched closer, ranting about why he thought Whoopie Goldberg should be the next president, and demanding to know my opinion, all the while covering the left side of my face in mucus. Needless to say he didn't understand body language and after an hour of torture, I got off at Back Bay while he still screamed to me, feeling violated and in desperate need o a face cloth.

RIPTA Bus- Every time i've ever rode the bus to Newport, RI, there has been at least one individual drinking a 40 oz. out of a paper bag. On this particular occasion, an old, deaf, mute, gets on the bus and sits with a man drinking alcohol out of a bottle in a paper bag.This, of course is all conveniently located directly across the aisle from me and my friend. The two men either know each other, or alcohol is the truly the greatest social lubricant, as the two quickly develop a way to communicate via hand gestures, grunts, and a series of smiles fit for a pedophile. Suddenly, I had become part of the conversation, and the old man was gesturing at me. Smiling, the young drunk said "he thinks ya beautiful". The old man then looks at my friend, frowns, and gives the thumbs down. " But he thinks ya friend is ugly" the young drunk translated.

I had been drawing in my sketch book when the old man gestured for my pen. reluctantly I gave it to him, but it was only a Bic and I just considered it a loss. He took the pen and started scrawling on the palm of his hand, which, when he shows to me, resembles some ancient cave drawing found in the ruins of a lost village. He wants desperately for me to understand the secret message scribbled on his hand..."A buffalo,...eating a peach?". "that's his phone numbah" the young drunk grinned at me, "he want ya ta cahll him". I smiled politely and got off at the next stop, walking the 45 minutes home.

sudoku woman- Getting on a train a back bay is a shit show. Everyday, it's like there are giant rats threatening to disembowel us, and if we don't all cram on the train fast, they're gonna get us. I've learned that throwing an elbow will get you a long way, but when my friend blatantly cut off an old woman with a suitcase, I had to question her.

As it turns out, this woman wasn't exactly your usual traveler. It began when Sudoku was all the rage with 30 and 40 somethings, the craze that swept the public transportation nation. This woman got a sudoku book, scrawled secret messages into the squares ( she didn't quite grasp the concept of sudoku), and waited for the train. When the train would come, she would fight people to get on first, then, once reaching the train door, would turn around, and walk back against traffic, to the platform, where she would sit down and not board the train. She did this every day. Longing to feel even more like a real commuter, she went so far as to buy a rolling briefcase with the wheels and retractable handle. I justified Alison's elderly cut off, and continue to cut her off daily, without remorse.

and that, my friends.....is public transportation.

dog stacking: a sport for morons

when did it become socially acceptable for people to sit outside starbucks with chihuahuas in baby clothes stacked three high on their lap, like they're books you're returning to the library? and better yet, tote them away in a whole foods shopping bag.


...If there's a pet store in Back Bay missing three chihuahuas, i think i know where to find them.

so i've decided to start a blog, though I'm not really sure why. maybe because i have too much time on my hands. lie, this is clearly not true, i usually have way too much crap to do. i think that it is most likely that have a lot to say. mostly useless and borderline offensive, but on the rare occasion perhaps insightful...maybe.

anyway, we'll see how long this lasts. maybe for a while, maybe this is my only post. unclear. we'll see how long before i become too ADD to do this crap.

that's all for now. i'm going to continue watching this woman drag her her child on a dog leash down the street. I only hope he stops to pee on one of the trees. deuces.

x
L